Romance Redefined

[Savaslas Lofton]

Romance Redefined By Savaslas Lofton

Holding hands walking on the beach in the evening of a summer day, going to the park while the sun beams on the two crystal glasses set out on a picnic blanket filled with delights, dinner for two at an exquisite restaurant while being serenaded by a classical piano player, or a wife coming home to discover rose pedals that lead to a warm Jacuzzi filled with leaves of lavender and romantic candles-what does all of these things have in common? Well, in today's vernacular; romance.

From steamy novels, to romantic movies and plays, to the hottest new couples in Hollywood that grace the red carpet; our society has defined for us what romance should always be as. The danger in this; lies that the events that I have described in the first paragraph can be used in a "player's" game to lure women looking for love into all of the "wrong" places.

But is this the epitome of "romance"? Don't get me wrong, I believe that you should spread the red carpet out for your queen as a husband or significant other, however, what we failed to realize is that in all of the Valentine Day fan fare--a couple of things are left out of the romantic equation. These key elements are things like: commitment, honesty, integrity, character and straight forwardness.

I don't mean to jump from subject to subject, but I must address a couple of things dealing with "romance".

1) Men and women come in all different personalities and taste.
- In other words; romance to one woman may be defined as sending a bouquet of roses with a teddy bear to her job, while to another woman, romance may be bicycle riding or playing a game of monopoly.

2) To one man, romance may be going to a candle light dinner or taking a long drive while to another man may be watching a comedy or action movie alone with his wife (without the kids), or listening to his heart concerning his ideas, that maybe you think--may be a little "out of range".

The problem lies in the lack of communication between the two to openly define what may or may not be considered romantic to both of them. What is the result? Society's definition of romance comes into play and becomes the standard of that relationship, whether it fits them or not. When this occurs, the relationship may be more frustrated than helped because of the lack of simply asking what the desire of their mate is.

Romance is not an event, it's a lifestyle.
A candle light dinner, running a bubble bath or even taking a jog, if this tickles your fancy, should only be bi-products of a relationship whose primary focus is to consistently learn how to please one another. Not just in the bed room, but in communication, effective listening and in support. Again, I am not saying that all of the events that I aforementioned in the first paragraph aren't important because they are. My desire is to help many realize that there is life behind the veil of romance, just as the apex of a relationship isn't the wedding day, but everything afterwards. Notice how society, movies, and romance novels seldom go beyond the highlights of the wedding day. This is the problem. Couples don't have any trouble finding their way to the marriage alter, but they do have trouble with the success of their marriage after the marriage alter, but this is another subject.

I find it a tragedy that men who fail to understand commitment and relationship uses these "romantic" tactics as bait for women who compromise their standard for the sake of finally being with someone who "appears" to be the right man.

Longevity and commitment is the key. Any one can tickle your fancy for a season with roses and sweets. It should not be about the thrill of the catch, but sacrifice and consistent investment in the relationship that should matter—after all this is what makes a relationship last.

Valentine's Day candy, diamonds and pearls are good, but to truly love and cherish in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer till death do we part is far better!

Written by: Savaslas Lofton

[In His Image Ministries]

I agree. I have only been married for 8 years, but I witnessed my grandparents' marriage last for 63 years before she stepped over the line into eternity. And on their 63rd wedding anniversary they still kissed each other and looked at one another like they were high school sweethearts. So to me, true romance is defined by devotion. It is the ability, of both people in the relationship or marriage, to constantly operate not out of selfishness, but out of love. And not love in the manner of how the world defines it, but by how God, who is love, defines it. True romance will be demonstrated to your mate through your daily commitment to reflect the character of God in your interaction with them. When you strive to reflect the character of God in your interaction with your mate, you will have a drive to love them, care for them, and please them. You will want to do whatever you can to gain an understanding about what is a demonstration of love to them. And you will do whatever you can to bring joy and peace into their life. As you continually walk in obedience to God and His Word, He will cover, protect, and hold your relationship together in the palm of His hand. Nothing is more romantic than having a mate who is committed to God first, committed to you till death do you part, and who loves and cares for you in a manner that is pleasing to God.

In Him,
Marla
www.lightedpathcoaching.com
www.IHIMonline.org